いじめっ子や不良の「焼きそばパン買ってこいや！」という声…。この理不尽な命令、誰もが一度は聞いたことがあるものだが「なぜ焼きそばパンなのか」はなぞに包まれていた。東京大学の伊藤瑪兼博士らの研究グループは、このなぞの解明に成功。16日付仏科学雑誌「アール・ナチューレ」に論文を発表した。
不良たちがなぜパシリに焼きそばパンばかりを買いに行かせるのかは長年なぞとされており、気鋭の物理学者や経済学者らがつぎつぎ取り組んでは挫折させられ「21世紀中に解明されることはない」とも言われてきた。今回、伊藤博士らのグループは栄養学的な見地からアプローチをおこない
「不良は特定の栄養素を補給するために合理的な活動をしている」
ことを突き止めた。
その栄養素とはブドウ糖だ。炭水化物を炭水化物ではさむ焼きそばパンは一見非常識だが、消化することで大量のブドウ糖を吸収できる合理的な食物だ。不良たちの多くは恵まれない家庭に育ち朝食を抜くことが多いため、脳がブドウ糖不足となりイライラしがち。これを本能的に解消しようとして、彼らは焼きそばパンを買ってこさせるのだという。
論文では「こうした不良をおとなしくさせるにはできるだけ早く焼きそばパンを補給することが大事」と、焼きそばパン購入の重要さを指摘している。大きななぞを解き明かした伊藤博士らのグループは、次の研究テーマとして「なぜ転校生は登校途中でドジっ娘とぶつかるのか」を検討中だという。
ブドウ糖を手っ取り早く与えるには点滴が一番じゃなかろうか？
これからは点滴パックを買いに行かせるべきだ。
住所：ネットカフェ
職業：童貞
参考資料の「商品の説明」においいて
「本物を越えちゃいそうなリアル感♪お口の中でおいし~い味が再現されちゃうっ！！この質感で食べられないなんてっ！う~ん、残念すぎるっ。」
は、猥褻な表現と認定されました。おっきしてしまいました。
大阪人が、たこ焼きやお好み焼きをおかずに、ご飯を食べるのは非常に合理的だったのですね。
納得しました。
>次の研究テーマ
なぜ、少女が空から降ってくるのか？
は、いかがですか？
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
待て。
日本で最も有名ないじめっことなりつつある、やくみつるは例外では無いのか？
アレは、「脳がブドウ糖不足」だから、あのようなザマになったのでは無い。
もっと深刻な脳病が原因であるのは、明らかであろう。
メロンパンのほうがブドウ糖摂取に即効性があるのに。
と口答えしたため不良に殴られ、「オラオラ口答えした罰だー。焼きそばパンにペプシもなー！」と追加オーダーを受け、よせばいいのにそこで
ペプシよりジョルトのほうが・・・
と口走って「ぼでー」にもう一発めりこませられた口だな、某瓦斯主幹は。
(･∀･)ﾓﾁﾛﾝｵ前ﾉ金ﾃﾞﾅー
住所：東大寺
職業：パンパン
>炭水化物を炭水化物ではさむ焼きそばパン
コロッケパンの立場やいかに。
職業：妙齢の女性ジャーナリスト
たんぱく棒を私のたんぱく乳ではさむ遊びは主幹も大好きよね。
昨日のそのプレイでこの記事を思いついたのかしら。
よしこ「主幹に渡したいものが、ひとつあるんだよ」
主幹「はい？」
よしこ「チョコじゃないよ、ほら、まあ開けてみなさいな。リボンをつけた私の手作りの焼きそばパン」
主幹「…」
おお～今夜もやっとるな～！！
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
アンパンマンに出てくるやきそばパンマンは、２枚のへら（関西流にいうとこて）を使うヘラヘラチョップを得意技にしておるようですが、このヘラヘラチョップは、２枚のへらに挟まれてしまうとへらへら笑って力が抜けてしまうそうな。すごいんだかすごくないんだか・・・。
http://www.ntv.co.jp/anpanman/profile/yaki.html
うーむ、研究のため毎朝やあぁん遅刻遅刻ぅ～と食パンくわえて全力失踪ちゃうちゃう疾走してるけど、一向に美少年と衝突しません。
てゆうか以前パパが通勤中、食パンくわえて登校するチャリンコの女子高生を目撃し驚愕のあまり危うく轢きそうになったとゆってますたが、このばやいフラグ立ちますか？
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
>一発めりこませられた口
そりは寧鎮の下の口だ如。
駅弁する如。
昔々の購買部には、コロッケパンはおろかピザパンもチーズパンも無く、甘くない惣菜パンは焼そばパンしかありませんでした。
今時のリアルと、アニメ界にタイムラグが存在するのは、制作者が独身だから？子供と没交渉だからでしょうか？
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
革マルのお爺ちゃん、カゼは良くなったんですね。
おやすみ～
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
＞なぜ転校生は登校途中でドジっ娘とぶつかるのか
個人的には
「なぜ新任の女教師は白ブラウス、メガネ、巨乳の３点セットが多いのか」
も調べていただきたい。
住所：靖国神社
>やくみつる
内舘牧子横綱審議委員の場合、原因としてはボーガス的定番のネタが様々考えられますが、なんかもう定番過ぎてアレですので各自脳内補完して下さい。
ﾖﾛｼｺ。
「紳士的な政策通」なんて言われてた与謝野ｻﾝがあんな”キレキャラ”になっちゃうのは、やはり「下野なう」して色々と不足してるものがあったりするのかな。
谷垣さんも全然キャラ変わったよね。
住所：還付申告受付会場
職業：加算税算定
焼きそばパンの中に鼻くそを挟みこんでおけば、適度な塩分が補給されて更に理想的な栄養バランスが実現できるので、強く推奨したい。
勿論挟みこんだのがばれないように、わずかな豚肉を折り曲げてその間に収容するぐらいの手間はかけたいところだ。
いやあの・・・記事と関係ないんだが。。。
上のよし子さんの衝撃の告白読んだ直後テレビで
「荒川静香 男子フィギュア陣を最終チェック！」とか言っててちょっとコーフンした。
ほら荒川さんって女王様っぽいし、オダ君とかいじめられっこっぽいじゃん？
静香女王様の最終チェック（ゴクリ
(･∀･)ｿﾝﾀﾞｹ
ビーバップハイスクールの、
焼きそばパン買いに行かされてたいじめられっ子を救うエピソード、名作だよね！！
住所：シベリア
職業：自室警備員
♪パンに焼きそばをはさんで 売るのはやめてちょうだい おにぎりの中の具を もちにするのと同じ なぜ炭水化物どうしでひとつの食べ物になってるの 主食と主食が ぶつかり合うの スパゲティパン ラーメンライス マカロニパン チャーハンライス もちどんぶり きりたんぽ巻き うどんそば きしめんライス 玄米かけ胚芽ごはん お茶漬けリゾットピラフ～
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
> 特定の栄養素
主幹殿も特定の栄養素不足であり、「そーま」なしでは記事を書き続けられないのではなかろうか。
そこで代替物として、にくぼ…なんでもない。
住所:革命的巴里
職業:山岳派
「アール・ナチューレ」なんて聞いたことがない。フランス科学アカデミーに問い合わせて見よう…って潰しちゃったよ。
とりあえずクロックムッシュ食え。
焼きそばパンよりもホットドッグが好きです。
フィギアスケート･ペアの録画放送観てたらすごく食べたくなってきたの☆
住所:ウガンダ共和国
職業:調理師
人類がアフリカで生活していた頃は炭水化物や脂質をより多く摂取できる種が生存競争に買った経緯があります。
その頃の人類に比較的近いとされる男性ホルモンの分泌量の多い個体はこの記事のような特性を持つのでしょうね。
（そのような男性は食べ物の好き嫌いがお子様チックで顕著なので見分けやすいです）
ちなみに大阪では「五分で買うてこなシバく」という決めセリフももれなく付いてきます。
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>谷垣さんも全然キャラ変わったよね。
否。
自民党は、政治屋・小沢一郎の唯一の政治理念「日本に二大政党制を確立する」を身をもって潰そうとしているのだ。
よって、小沢憎しと思う自民党支持者は、自民党の自滅を応援すべきであろう。
ついでに、昭和の終り頃に、自民党を実質的に牛耳っていたのが誰だったかなどと云う事は、絶対に思い出してはならぬ。
住所：不定
職業：工作員
>「なぜ転校生は登校途中でドジっ娘とぶつかるのか」
結論：創造主（＝神）のご都合主義
#身も蓋もない（苦笑
住所：四次元
川本真琴のやきそばパンは名曲。
住所：靖国神社
職業：日本会議シンパ
主幹、悲しい中学生時代を送ったのですね。全人口の９９・９％はやきそばパンを買いにいかず、描写が迫真です。
住所：太陽系
職業：メトロン星人
＞ちなみに大阪では「五分で買うてこなシバく」という決めセリフも
「3分で買うてこなしばきまわす」と言ふてをつたと推測さるる男が知事をやつてをるやうであるな。
住所:ヲタ界隈
職業:謎の転校生
フッ…パシリご苦労様、主幹。そうやって逃げてる人に、秘められた< 力>に気付かない旧人類に、これから起こる闘いを生き延びる術はないわ。
立ち向かいなさい！邪気眼を解放し運命に、ヤンキーに抗うのよ！レッツラゴー！
あ、焼きそばパンはｱﾀｼが処分しとくから。もふもふ。
住所：潜行三千里
職業：旅人
今日はパンはやめとこかーおらおらやきそばパンやのうてペヤングさっさとこうてこんかいーなんじゃいボケがぁお湯入っとらんやんけーソースかけてそのまま食えってかーバリボリバリボリなんじゃ意外といけるやないかーごっそーさん
食後にチェリオがあればなおよし
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
「伊藤瑪兼」は何と読むんでしょうか？
伊藤博士は何の専門家なんでしょうかね。
怪しい・・
住所：おうち
職業：工作員
※欄はさておき、
記事から政治の臭いもITの臭いも、ヲタ臭も、エロいイカ臭も感じられない。
偽者め。
主幹をどこに拉致軟禁の上あんなことやこんなことをしている、もしくはしていないのだ。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：めがねっ娘
あー、なんだか虚構新聞みたいですなあ。
住所：二次元
職業：荒らし
それはそうと焼きそばパン自体の実在を未だに信じられないわたしが来ましたよ。パン屋というパン屋で一度たりとも見かけたことのない幻のパン焼きそばパン。どこに売っているのですか、そんな炭水化物に炭水化物を挟んだ無体な食べ物は。焼きそばかパンかどっちかにしなさいよもう。…本当に実在するのでしょうか。
住所：二次元
職業：荒らし
なのでそんな実在しないパンのお遣いを頼まれた日には、五分どころか一年かけてもそれを買ってくることは不可能なのです。…おお、なるほどそういうイジメでありましたか！納得いたしました。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
> sirokanippe殿
発想の転換が必要である。まず、ぱん屋ではなく、蕎麦屋を探すべきである。
しかし、焼きそば自体が蕎麦屋に存在しない可能性もあるが、これを書くには余白が狭すぎる。
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3月21日のパン
今日のタイトルが単にパン、というのには訳がある。ある有志により、焼きそばパンを
下見て歩くから
2011年のエリザベス女王杯のあなたの予想的中率をズバリ診断！あなたはどの程度正確に予想できているのか！？
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