アメリカ航空宇宙局（NASA）は1日、火星表面を調査中の探査機「フェニックス」が「氷らしき物体を発見した」とした前日までの発表が「誤りだった」ことを明らかにした。氷の存在は水、ひいては生命が火星に存在する可能性を示唆するものだっただけに、誤報と知った関係者のあいだでは一様に落胆の声が広がっている。
この物体は、フェニックスが着陸している足場をカメラで探索中に発見したもので、白く冷たそうな塊だったことから「すわ氷か！」とNASA内部は色めきたった。しかし、
「あれはぼくが落としたアイスキャンデーです」
との連絡がNASAに入ったことで正体が判明した。
連絡してきたのは火星人の◎※▽♪××～くん（6）。◎※▽くんはこの日、ママとおつかいに行ったスーパーでアイスキャンデーを買ってもらい、なめながら帰り道を歩いていたが、たまたまフェニックスの着陸地点に通りがかったところで誤って落としてしまったという。報道で氷と勘違いされ大騒ぎになっているのは知っていたが、
「アイスを落としたのがショックでいじけていて、連絡が遅れた」
と、NASAへの電話で語った。
NASAの報道官は記者会見の席上、
「今度こそ火星に生命が存在する証拠をつかんだと思ったのに…やはり、人類は宇宙にひとりぼっちなのだろうか」
と、かなり意気消沈しているようすだった。いっぽうで、人類にとって重要な学術的調査をおこなっている場所で気楽にアイスをなめるとは、まったくしつけがなっていないと言わざるを得ない。急増するモンスター火星人にどのように対処していくべきか、社会を挙げて検討していく必要があるだろう。
火星に生命はいないのは判明したのか？残念。
しかし、◎※▽♪××～くんはあの噴射ロケットの火で、よく死ななかったものだ。なにかあったら、火星のグリーンピースがうるさいですよね。学術的調査捕鯨ですら妨害されるのですから。
アイスキャンデーは氷の一種じゃないのか？
氷と見間違えるだなんて何味だったんでしょうか？
このところ主幹さまのNASAに関する記事が続きますね。
ところで、この火星人は六星占術に関係することでしょうか？
細木数子さんの｢地獄の堕ちる｣の迷セリフは覚えています。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
◎※▽くんが落としたアイスキャンデーは、やはりガリガリ君なんだろうか？
× 地獄の堕ちる
○ 地獄に堕ちる
でした。ついでに｢火星に落ちる｣もお願いします。
え、コーラの瓶じゃなかったの？
原田潤一の代表作『火星人と今日子と醤油』を読めばわかるように、このアイスキャンデーが醤油味であることには疑いの余地はありません。
ちなみに、金星はソース、月はマヨネーズ、木星はタバスコ、土星はケチャップに、それぞれ関連づけられています。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
ふるくから「親の小言とNASAの仕事は千にひとつの無駄もない」と言われており、今回の誤報も次の成功への一歩になると思われる。
住所：ちたま
職業：アルファコメンター
＞このところ主幹さまのNASAに関する記事が続きますね。
実はこのニュースは、ＮＡＳＡが大騒ぎになっているのに気づいた主幹様が、強力な電波発信能力で火星人に問い合わせた結果、向こうからＮＡＳＡへの通報に至ったというのが真相らしい。
自分で通報しないとはなんと奥ゆかしい。女性相手にも数十年にわたってなんとも奥ゆかしい・・・。
あたしは白熊アイスがいい！
住所：皇居
職業：社畜
名前の漢字を、より文章らしくなるように変えてみた。
＞鯛しょってんの さん
永久にまだ見ぬ我が孫よ…
たくましくなったのう…
これで朕も心おきなく祭神となれる…
誰も見て見ぬ振りをしているのが分かっているが、あえて言わせてもらう。
火星人は生命じゃないのか？
火星包茎は生命じゃありません！
百害あって一利なし！
>bogusnews大好きっ娘 さん
>火星人は生命じゃないのか？
KYですよ。それはそれ、大人の事情というものがあるんですよ。うんうん。
住所：火星
職業：ひまわり幼稚園たこ組
えーん！フェニックスにアイスの「当たり棒」を採られた…。
謝罪と賠償を要求するっ！
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
ど～せ火星田マチ子のマソ汁が凍ったもんだにょ。
> 火星人は生命じゃないのか？
この問題を解決するには、「NASAでは『生命』をどのように定義しているのか」を知ることが必要です。
そもそも、「NASA」（National Aeronautics and Space Administration／アメリカ航空宇宙局）とは、アメリカ合衆国が“総合的に宇宙開発を推進するため”につくられた、大統領直属の政府機関のひとつです。また、国際政治の場におけるアメリカの行動をご覧になればおわかりのように、ここでいう「宇宙開発」とは、「地球以外の領域においても、アメリカが覇権を握った状態にすること」を意味しています。
NASAでは、この方針に基づき、「地球以外の領域に居住しており、かつ、自分たち（アメリカ）の意のままになる知的生命体」を見つけるべく、長年に渡って活動を続けています。今回も、火星に『生命』即ち「未だ文明をもっておらず、自分たち（アメリカ）が文明の発展に介入することにより、植民的な支配を実現できそうな生命体」が存在することが期待されましたが、実際に巡り会った火星人はモンスター火星人であり、既に一定の粗暴性を有しており矯正困難な状態でした。このため、「NASAの期待した『生命』」の発見には至らなかった、という発表になったのです。
なお、アラブ諸国への武力介入などの活動と同様に、アメリカでは自分たちの意のままにならない生命体は滅ぼすことになっていますので、今回の場合も、そう遠くない未来において、火星への空爆などの実力行使が行われることになるでしょう。
火星人いらない。家政婦さん欲しい。
そんな見間違いをしていたとは！
NASAけないな…なんつって
住所：おうち
職業：童貞
火星人は「知恵の世界」に住み、マイペースでプライドが高く、反骨精神が旺盛です。しかし、その行動において「奇人・変人」が多く、まわりが理解されない傾向があります。
—
だそうです。
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