東京都港区にあるIT企業・ライブドア。18日、同社が入居する赤坂ツインタワービル周辺で、定食屋・魚屋の出す刺身からタンポポがいっせいに消えるという珍事があった。刺身の上にタンポポをのせる職人らが、ライブドア社員の暴言に抗議してストに突入したためだ。近隣で生活する人々は「刺身がまずくなる…」と困り果てている。
ライブドアからほど近い定食屋「弁慶」で人気のメニュー「刺身の一品盛り」からも、この日タンポポが消えた…。
「私たちの職業を不当に貶める発言は許さない」
と、ストライキ中のタンポポ職人は怒る。問題になっているのは、ライブドアに勤めるワーキングプアの摩羅怒張氏（30）が
「タンポポをのせる人はマークアップエンジニア以下」
などの暴言を自身のブログで連発している件。これがネット上で反感を呼び、周辺の職人総勢120人が参加する今回の大ストライキへとつながったのだ。
労働組合「タンポポユニオン」代表・野田純生氏は語る。
「日本の職制カーストでは、空気
↓
刺身の上にタンポポをのせる職人
↓
プログラマ
↓
マークアップエンジニアという階層構造になっている。明らかにタンポポ職人のほうが地位は上」
そもそもタンポポをのせるのは、タンポポに含まれる麻薬成分・アルカロイドを刺身に浸透させ味をよくするため。素人が取り扱えば中毒事故が起きる危険もある。高度な技術と判断力が必要で、免許皆伝には80386のマシン語習得が必須。まさに職人芸の世界なのだ。
ストに参加する職人らは「タンポポを軽んじる者は無知で無能でクズ。アホでバカ。低脳で童貞」としており、徹底抗戦のかまえだ。摩羅氏により公式な謝罪が行われ、さらにライブドアトップページにタンポポの画像が掲載されるまでストライキを続けるという。
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
実際には、マークアップエンジニアの下には、「ニート」「ワーキングプア」「ネットカフェ難民」などの最下層階級が存在する。
ただし、実は、「空気」を生み出しているのは、彼ら、最下層階級なのだが、詳細は国家機密に付き説明できない。
また、馬占山が最下層階級ですらなく、アウトカーストのアレ者である事は、単なる公知の事実である。
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
そんなに乗せて欲しいのなら、わしのティムポポをジョタ～イ盛りに乗せてやらうか？
住所：地下闘技場
職業：虎眼流師範
これはものすごいことニャ。
夕べも築地の路地でたくさんの職人さん達と遊んでたんニャ。
「梅さん、お仕事しなくていいのニャ？」ってちょっと心配になって聞いたら、
「おめーはニャンコだから知らねぇだろうが、世間じゃ菊をタンポポ呼ばわりされるは、俺たち板前が土方以下とか言われるはで、てぇへんなことになってるのよ！構うこたぁねえ。『すとらいき』って奴よ。労働者の権利ってなもんだ！」
って啖呵切ってたニャ。
僕は板さんに可愛がられてるから、いつも以上に遊んでもらえるし、おまけに「おう！痛んじまう前に片付けちまいなっ！」ってたくさんお魚もらえるしで嬉しいけどニャ。
でもこのまま贅沢してたらメタポ猫になりそうニャ。
僕らの健康と、正常な板前さんと猫の緊張感をはらんだ関係を早く取り戻せるように、即刻その「まら」だか「まろ」だか言う、食生活が貧しい人を縛り首にしてほしいにゃ。
っていうかその人、ヒロミチュたんや、最近すっかり影の薄い田口先生にかわるスターニャのか？口が悪いだけで小粒感はいニャめないな。。。
「へ～。きみ、ゲームの会社に勤めてたんだ。プログラムとかできんの？
履歴書見るかぎりでは大学とか専門学校には行ってないみたいだけど。」
「い、いえ。そういう方面の部署ではなくって…。絵とか…CG塗ったりとか…。」
「あ、きみ、絵が描けるんだ。そりゃすごいね。どんな絵描くの?ちょっとここに描いてみてよ。」
「あわわ、い、いや、それはちょっと…。」
結果!
タンポポ職人不採用でした！
俺はCOMET しか使えんから、まだまだ修行が足りないな。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
「たんぽぽ」とは日立製鉄所の労働闘争歌にもなった曲である。さすがは主幹、何重にも意味を込めているとは。
>俺はCOMET しか使えんから
誰も魔法少女の話だなんて思ってないんだからねッ！
タンポンが消えたらまずいよね。
新鮮な赤貝にタンポ○を挿入する仕事をして23年。この仕事をずっと誇りにしてきました。
バックリ割れたのもあれば、蕾のように硬いものがありました、アプリケーターという紙の筒があれば、はじめてでも簡単です。
というか、もうこんな仕事いやだお！
平和だなぁ…（タメイキ）
だからあれはタンポポではなくて菊だと何度言ったら……。
菊門に馬占山大攬把のティムポポを詰めてもらえ（あ、大攬把は総受けだった！）。
住所：地下闘技場
職業：虎眼流師範
ふと思ったんだけどニャ。きっとタンポポな「まら」さんはアジを白身魚とかいいそうニャ。
お鮨やさんで養殖ハマチ食べて「脂がのっていてうまい」とか平気で言うと思うニャ。
梅さんは生粋の職人さんだから、注文されたらちゃんと握るし、「お客さん、それは脂がどうのじゃなく『生ぐさい』ってことで・・・」なんて言わないけど、お店閉めたあと勝手口でボクの肉球触って寂しそうな顔してるニャ。
>俺はCOMET しか使えんから
「コメットを駆る男」と言えば古典的スペースオペラのコレで決まり。
「時は未来、所は宇宙。
光すら歪む果てしなき宇宙に、愛機コメットを駆るこの男、
宇宙最大の科学者であり冒険家、カーチス=ニュートン。
だが人は彼を、キャプテン・フューチャーと呼ぶ。」
住所：皮で書房新社
職業：亀頭コレクション
また、スタージョン？
早く、ちん…。
住所：皮で書房新社
職業：き搭コレクション
…もういいよ……。スタージョンは……。
それより早く、ち……。
住所：皮で書房新社
職業：き搭コレクション
(推敲その3)
……もういいよ……。スタージョンは……。
それより早く出してよ……。
ち○ぽぽ娘……。
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