イザというときにテレビのリモコンが手元になく面倒な思いをしたことがある人は多いのではないか。半導体大手のNECエレクトロニクスらは、乾電池を使わないリモコン試作機の共同開発に成功した。非常に低コストでありながら「焼きそばパン」の購入にも対応する高機能さが特徴で、ものぐさな人には福音となりそうだ。
電池不要リモコンのモニター家庭となった都内在住の主婦・吉田直美さん（38）宅におじゃました。居間に100キロ超の巨体を横たえ、テレビの月九ドラマを見る直美さん。コマーシャルに入りチャンネルを変えようと思ったがリモコンがない。そこで、直美さんが一声
「あんた！」
と叫ぶと、驚くことにチャンネルが変わった。
新型リモコンのしくみは簡単で、音声が起こす振動を恐怖心に変換することで電池不要の動作を実現している。直美さんによれば、
「大声を上げれば、洗濯もメシの用意もしてくれるのよ。ガハハ！」
と笑う。以前は変換効率が悪く二度三度怒鳴らなければならなかったが、最近はすっかり従順になったという。
また、中学生や高校生のモニターからも好評だ。
「“学食の焼きそばパン買ってこいやヒャッハー！”といった難しい命令もきちんと理解する。一生使いたい」
と重宝しているようだ。NECでは、早ければ年度内にも「パシリ」の名称で商品化。月産10万台をめざすという。
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
これは、新発明なのか？
小官の生前にも、似たようなモノが有ったのだが……。
最初は、
「人を殺すのは、こうするんじゃ!!」
と言って、見せしめに、1体ほど斬殺しなければ、言う事を聞かなかったが、学習後は、
「やっちまえ」
と言えば、後は、良きにはからってくれるように成ったぞ。
住所：四次元
注意：あまりに雑な使用をしていると、電池がなくても鉛や水銀を食事に入れられるおそれがあります。
イケメンや、セクシーな美女の場合怒鳴らなくても、甘いささやきだけで好きなように操れるというのに、怒鳴らないといけないとは変換効率がまだまだ悪いのではないか？
主幹、正直に真実を言いなさい。本当に欲しいのは
「妹コントロール」
でしょ。
>妹コントロール
敵ーに渡すな、大事なロリコン♪
しゅしゅ主幹のめめめ命令電波が突然出現した妹ｻﾝに飛ばず何故かｱﾀｱﾀｱﾀｼの脳天直撃ｾｶﾞｻﾀｰﾝ。お兄ちゃん愛愛愛してる！やめてやめてやめて
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
通りすがりのねいちんに
「ねいちん、乗るんだ如！」
といふだけで駅弁もでけるんか如?
>長閣下
あなたの業績なんて、「日本刀はすぐ折れる」と大声で叫ぶだけで、なかったことに……
ならないですか？
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>あなたの業績なんて、「日本刀はすぐ折れる」と大声で叫ぶだけで、なかったことに……
ちゃんと機関銃で撃つように命令したが、何か？
自家発電ネタかと思ったのに。
女子厨学二年生Ｖ３がリモートコントロールならぬ妹コントロールされても、Ｖ３ホッパーで主幹さまの２６の自家発電技が暴かれます。
住所：靖国神社
日本刀なんか脂身が巻いたら斬れなくなってしまうのです。
結論・旬のサンマの方がポン刀より強いよ！
戦前の日本人は崇高な「勿体無い精神」に溢れていたので、機関銃なんて弾を浪費するものは持ってるはず無いです。
それでどうやって戦争したとか聞いてはいけません、愛国心があるなら。
控え目に言って、資料写真のブツで「＞自家発電」すると後ろの処女が大変な気がしますが、同様にこのブツでリモートコントロールされてしまうパシリ氏もやっぱり…？！
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
リモコン壊しちゃ取っ替え
壊しちゃ取っ替えして、そのたんび金儲けしてるデブがあちこちに出没してるらしいけんど。
おーい主幹、まだ生きてっか？
幹まだ生きてっか？
住所：テレビの裏
職業：あにゃまる探偵
すいませんすいません私には配偶者もともだちもいじめっ子さえいないんですけどどーすればこのコントローラー手に入るんでせうか。あ、よく考えたらお金もなかった。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
＞“学食の焼きそばパン買ってこいやヒャッハー！”といった難しい命令もきちんと理解する。
Ｈ本を買わせたり、ＡＶを借りに行かせたり、主幹の場合ならＴＥＮＧＡを買いに行かせたりできるわけですな。
住所：靖国神社
職業：二千万特攻の司令官
このリモコンが二千万台あれば日本は先の戦争に勝てた！
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
そして念願通り、いまや日本が宗主国の「りもこん」である。ぼたん1つで核を預かり、派兵し、「おもいやり予算」を提供するのだ。
ゴルゴ13を制御できる別売オプションがあったら喜んで買おうと思います。
住所：名古屋県
職業：社畜
>電池がなくても鉛や水銀
>を食事に入れられるおそ
>れがあります
帝國陸軍内務班謹製のフケ飯、唾汁、痰和えを忘れてもらっては困るな。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
姪っ子ロリータのリモコンになったことがあるんですけど、人生で一番幸せでしたよ。
風呂上がりに体を拭いてあげたりとかいろいろ・・
愛があれば、十字架で処刑されても許せるってもんですよ。
住所：銀河系
職業：IT士方
先々帝陛下、そんな問題発言をぶちかますようだからたったの十g(以下検閲により削除)
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