純粋無垢なハズのアイドルが恥ずかしい病気に…？ 22日にデビュー予定の大型OSアイドルとして注目を集めている窓辺ななみが、ウイルスに感染していたことが1日までにわかった。マイクロソフトが先月末までに公開した無料のウイルス対策ソフトによる検査で発覚したもの。原因は
「不特定多数の相手とのみだらな接触」
と見られ、アイドルと呼ぶにははばかられる爛れた日常が図らずもあきらかになったかっこうだ。
調べによると窓辺は、マイクロソフトが発表した無料ウイルス対策ソフト「Security Essentials」のタイアップ企画で取材を受け、席上実際にウイルスに感染していないか調べられた。なんとその結果、おびただしい数のウイルスが検出されたという。現在、窓辺は都内の「聖カスペルスキー病院」に収容され駆除を受けているとのこと。
なぜ清潔感あふれる処女のハズの新人アイドルが大量のウイルスに犯されてしまったのか。事情通は
「新人アイドルが処女なんて過去の話。現在ではデビュー前でもβ版やRC版と称して枕営業しまくり。いろんなものをインストールされたり挿入されたりしていますからね。ウイルスのひとつやふたつ、感染していても不思議ではないんです」
と説明する。
さらに同じ事情通氏は
「窓辺は事務所の都合で、レドモンドや新宿の変態に昼夜を問わず“開発”されまくっていたそうですからね。自分から“入れてー”とか“ああん、動いちゃう…”とかおねだりするサセ子になっているに違いありません」
とも証言する。清楚そうな顔でわれわれユーザーをだましてきた窓辺ななみには、怒りを感じざるを得ない。発売日を待たずにボリュームライセンスなどあらゆる手段を講じて入れまくってやりたいものだ。
>あらゆる手段を講じて入れまくってやりたいものだ。
よしこさんから伝言です。
「責任とってね！」
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>さらに同じ事情通氏は
「女は、清純な処女でなくば、ビッチ」
と云う思考パターンからして、この事情通氏は、未体験だな。
この事から、事情通氏の正体は明らかであろう。
>都内の「聖カスペルスキー病院」
ロシアじゃないのか？
それにカスペは、最近ではめっきり腕が落ちたそうではないか？そんなところに預けて大丈夫なのか？
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
十月寧鎮雨透服
駅弁百発汁千斗
更起逝声帯風起
惟有陳硬向饅溝
(体位ちゃうちゃう大意)
ヒマワリが太陽に向くように
てぃむこは眞無辜に向く如。
やってやってやりまくって
佐世保バーガーみたいに挟み込む如。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
＞あらゆる手段を講じて入れまくってやりたいものだ。
「俺のＵＳＢをお前のソケットに挿入してやるッ！」
というオヤジギャグはナシでよろしく！！
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
すんません、メモリを抜かしておりました。念のため。
住所：ねはん
職業：童貞
「あたしななみー、あたしにウィルスが感染してるってそんなうそついちゃいやー、あたしについたのはうねうねうごめくワームなのー、ああん今夜もそんなところからあんなところまで、ああそこはいやー」
なんて妄想をするわけないじゃないですか。アイドルは清純でおトイレにもいかないんですYo!
一方、主幹様は、ＮＨＫのＢＳで１０月５日のゴールデンタイム２０：００から、ドラマデビュー！と聞きました。
「魔法使い・主幹」嫌いな筈の王女を補佐する運命とドラゴンに予言されるんですよね？！
職業：工作員
住所：銀座（某ショップ）
きめえっ！「雪豹」たんの身持ちの固さとは、比較になりませんな！
住所：靖国神社
職業：便衣兵
ｳｿﾞﾀﾞﾄﾞﾝﾄﾞｺﾄﾞｰﾝ!!
ななみたんがそんな子なわけがない！！握手会だ！握手会で感染したんだッ！
なんせアイドルの握手会と言えば、自分の○○を手にこすり付けてから握手する最悪な連中が居ますからな～！
政府は握手会も風俗営業に含めて風営法で厳しく衛生管理すべきだと思います！！
住所：ウガンダ共和国
職業：調理師
「ヒトパピローマ(HPV)ウイルスによる子宮頸がんリスクは非処女女性で0.5割以上」ていいますから、ビッチ状態になっていればいるほどリスクは高まっていきますね。
ああいう業界で営業していくには、夜も大忙しな異性職業人との直接「接触」が数多くあるわけですから…
坂井泉水さんも子宮頸がんで闘病されていましたからそのリスクの高さは推して知るべしでしょうね。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
ななみ殿と、Security Essentialsこと岬殿の百合本が冬に向けて準備中とのこと。窓辺一族のこれまでの「頭がゆるくて誰にでも陵辱される」路線から、新しい分野への挑戦と思われる。
よって、ななみ殿のidleとしての地位は安泰であろう。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
その無料ソフトってのが腐ってんじゃないの？
ななみちゃんはまだ小学生のロリータアイドルなんだから、ありえないっすよ。
オレはななみちゃんが赤ちゃんモデルだったころから追っかけしてんだから、そんなガセネタ通用しなよ。
事情通はしんでください。
>鯨虐殺者さん
ｱﾀｼが小学生の頃はｱﾅﾙにワームの卵が付着してないか、ﾋﾟﾝﾃｰﾌﾟ貼りつけて検査したものですよん。
べりべり、あらーｱﾗｱﾗｱﾗななみちゃん何ｺﾚべっとり、ウィルスの卵ぉ？やらしーやーらしー★
住所：海外(北海道)
職業：烏賊
>「俺のＵＳＢをお前のソケットに挿入してやるッ！」
ふふふ、私の高性能FireWireを・・・、あっ、アイドル違いですな・・・。
現在は豹子ではなく、虎子の最終ヴァージョン、大虎を使っております・・・。貧乏なもので。
不特定多数のお相手はアイドルとして拙いですな。矢張り、複数かつ限定されたクライアント様と
、というところに、アイドルの本義があるのですぞ。
住所：地下闘技場
職業：グラップラー
精神童貞の処女信仰にはうんざりするな。
たかが膜の有無ごときで女をビッチ扱い。
なんと心の小さきことよ。
愛において重要なのは肉体が乙女であることではない。心が乙女であることなのだ。
＞子宮頸がん
イギリス系製薬会社グラクソ・スミスクラインの子宮頸がんワクチン「サーバリックス」を厚生労働省が承認すると決めました。
最近売り出し中の「日本女性の会そよ風」なら、窓辺ななみを徹底糾弾して虐め抜きそうな気がします、何となく。
住所：ねはん
職業：童貞
>女子回虫学二年生さん
>ｱﾀｼが小学生の頃はｱﾅﾙにワームの卵が付着してないか、ﾋﾟﾝﾃｰﾌﾟ貼りつけて検査したものですよん。
おお、ひょっとしたら同世代ですかな。ていうか今の子供たちは寄生虫検査なんてやってるのかな（子供を持ったことないからなあ）。ところでテープは確かぎょう虫ではありませなんだか？やりにくい子供がいたらぜひてつだ（以下自粛）
住所：不定
職業：工作員
亜門大介殿
＞愛において重要なのは肉体が乙女であることではない。心が乙女であることなのだ。
まあ最近は性別も不問だったりしますから。ひょっとしたらななみちゃんも・・・・・。
住所：靖国神社
職業：二千万特攻の司令官
>「日本女性の会そよ風」
いかにも主幹好みの妙齢のご婦人が集まっていそうな会ではないか。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
一部報道によれば、ななみ殿は、10の7乗年の未来からやってきた、いわゆる未来人であるとのこと。そして、ななみ殿についていたのは「ういるす」ではなく「寄生虫」、正確には進化した人類の「おす」であるらしい。
簡単に言うと、人類は「みつくりえながちょうちんあんこう」のような進化を遂げるそうだ。見苦しい連中が見えにくくなる、人類の未来は希望に満ちている。
マイケル・マイケル
そふとに・いん・すこ
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