自民党は9日、衆院選惨敗後の再建策を検討する「再生会議」（座長：山本有二元金融担当相）の初会合を党本部で開いた。党内だけでなく外部有識者も集まった席上では
「党員の自宅に床の間を設置する」
など斬新な意見が出され盛り上がりを見せた。
新総裁を決める28日までが国民に“解党的出直し”の意気込みをアピールする正念場とあって、メンバーには森元首相や旅行作家の曽野綾子さんといったそうそうたる顔ぶれがずらり。活発に議論がおこなわれた。中でも選挙惨敗の主因とされる
「自民党員の人間力低下」
については、斬新な意見が相次いだ。
具体的な施策としては
- 党員の自宅に床の間を作らせる
のほか、
- 落選の責任は当人50パーセント、親25パーセント、秘書25パーセント、一般有権者12.5パーセントであることを自覚させる
- 国民を厳しく「飼い馴らす」必要があることを党員にアピールして覚悟してもらう
- 外遊で飛行機を使わせない、国会で3～5時間眠らせるなど我慢の教育をする
- ネット世論のようなバーチャル・リアリティは悪であることをはっきり言う
と、効果の高そうな案が数多く出された。
会議は今後連日開かれ、総裁選までに提言書を取りまとめる。自民党の再起がかかっているだけに、今後の動向が気になるところだ。
住所：ねはん
職業：デカブリスト
死体を再生しようとしてもゾンビができるだけだ如。
ついでに言っとくと床の間より床上手がよい如。
住所：床の間
職業：テレビ置くんじゃねえよ馬鹿
党員には性に関することを一切教えない
党員には汚職･贈賄といった悪の存在を一切知らせない
党員ポルノは単純所持違法
このように純潔党員教育を行えば、
自民党再生はどうか知らんが、
moon一族に奉仕する売国議員は、これまで通り大量生産
できるんじゃないっすか？
待て あわてるな これは孔明もとい…主幹の罠ですね。
具体的な施策を実行すると、今度の参議院選挙で自民党は消滅です…
住所：ちたま
職業：アルファコメンター
＞党員には性に関することを一切教えない
教えずに森だのその類が動物みたいに次々子どもこさえて後継がせたら日本に有害ですよ。
あ！ もう当選しないか。
・帝国ホテルのバーに入り浸る練習をする。
・バチカンの美術館では美術品にできるだけ近づいてみる。
・記者会見ではメイクに絆創膏を利用する。
などは、いかがか？
むしろ、マッサージに片乳を揉みしだかれる、ＡＶ出身議員とか…？
掘られエモンな議員とか？
人気取りが狙いなら。
惨敗戦犯の高齢者に、誰しも興味すらないです。
住所：自民党控室
職業：社会新報配達
「床の間」を某現総理が「ゆかのあいだ」と読む危険が高いので、今回の提案には反対する。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
もうすぐ「前総理」の肩書きが付くあの人が、「床の間」を「ゆかのあいだ」と読む恐れが大きいと思います如。
住所：靖国神社
職業：二千万特攻の司令官
なまぬるい。
・徴農
・素手素足で便所掃除
・体罰
などで徹底的にシゴくべきであろう。
↑ケッコン？
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
歴史の小便様とかぶっちまいましたな。失礼。
＞落選の責任は当人50パーセント、親25パーセント、秘書25パーセント、一般有権者12.5パーセントであることを自覚させる
「空気が読めない」、「漢字が読めない」、「解散時期が読めない」に続いて、「計算に弱い」という新しいＫＹ議員が生まれそうですな。
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
一応言っとっけどよ、座長はわっちのアンちゃんじゃねえかんな。
112.5%分の責任を負うのはなかったことにされそうですな
またかぶった？！主幹でもいのに！！
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
馬到寧鎮処
風来潜望鏡
駅弁生意味
悦得少逝知
(大意)
相変わらず素晴らしい寧鎮ですね。
お風呂で潜望鏡ヤッて
生きるとは駅弁ナリと
ヤッてヤッてヤリまくって
キモチイイ如。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
> またかぶった
主幹殿のは「かわ」ではない。「てっくせったー」の掛け声により発動する、いわゆる装甲である。いざというときにも外部からの刺激…攻撃に対して完全に防御することが可能だ。
純潔を汚す相手には「ぼるてっか」という白い毒液で攻撃もできるぞ。よいこはまねしないでね!
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
今更、何をやっても、死んだ子の齢を数えるが如き、空しいマネに終るのでは無いか?
そのような愚行は、今は亡き自民党も望んではいないであろう。
むしろ、今まで我々が、「自民党」だと思っていたアレは、実は、偽物で、真の自民党は、新しい与党だと、前向きに考えるべきであろう。
どうせ、大した違いなど無いのだし。
無論、旧「自民党」の残党は、万世一系の与党の名を騙った逆賊として、全員、死刑にすべき事は言うまでも無い。
かくなる上は麻生の再生への執念籠もった白濁した液体を忍体（粗野でもｲﾅﾀﾞ物置でもくるくる寿司でもいいや）に注ぎこみ、忍法魔界転生させるしか…
住所：不定
職業：工作員
>大西閣下
昨今は農業ブームなので、徴農よりも徴漁とかの方がよろしいかも。捕ゲイ船とか、蟹工船自民丸とか。
あとやっぱバーチャル・リアリティは悪ですね。特に『どきどきまあちゃん』とか、超ケシカラン。
いつかあの若林とかいう自民党敗戦処理専用リリーフを俺のバットで打ち崩してやるぞ！
あいつは俺が打席に回るころにはなんでかいつも降板されてやがる。
おや、そろそろ俺の打席のようだ。
住所：官邸（契約更新なし）
職業：首（くび）相
あぁ、裏とったわけね。
記者としてまともですよ。
裏ニュースをとろうという心がけは。
住所：銀河系
職業：IT士方
> 落選の責任は当人50パーセント、親25パーセント、秘書25パーセント、一般有権者12.5パーセントであることを自覚させる
責任が100%を超えてレッドゾーンに入ってしまっているのに、政党の責任は0%というのがさすがですね。
これほど見事に責任力を使いこなせる自民党には感服しきりです。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
何も分かってない。
落選の責任は覚醒したニュータイプ50パーセント、ネット右翼25パーセント、ネット左翼25パーセント、一般有権者12.5パーセントである。
昨年、麻生が首相に選ばれたときの経緯を思い出せ。
全ては覚醒したニュータイプの手のひらの上での事である。
発言がかぶってしまってご迷惑をおかけしておりますが、著作権の主張は一切行なわない方針でありますので、ＪＡＳＲＡＣべったり、じゃなかったＪＡＳＲＡＣと共に著作権を守る文化庁ご推薦の某瓦斯新聞に迷惑は及びません。
住所：靖国神社
＞落選の責任は当人50パーセント、親25パーセント、秘書25パーセント、一般有権者12.5パーセント
下野した、と自称する新聞の責任はどこに入りますか？
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：従軍慰安婦
策はいっぱいあっぺよ。
公明との「野党連立」、
安部氏、ｸﾉｲﾁ氏ら、幸福実現党幹部による「北朝鮮空爆」、
ドクター中松ミサイルディフェンスシステムによる「アメリカの核の傘無力化」
などなど。他にも色々秘策は隠されていようが、きわめつけはやはり
「オレたちの麻生、終身総裁」
これで決まり。
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