間垣部屋の大相撲前頭の若ノ鵬がタイマ所持で逮捕された。同容疑での関取の逮捕は初めてで、相撲協会全体を揺るがしかねない大きなスキャンダルとなっている。だが問題は角界だけにとどまらない。タイマ汚染は、すでに若年層男子を中心に国民レベルで広がっているというのだ。
都内足立区の公立高校に通うAくん（16）も、タイマに毒された若者のひとり。それは夏休み中に参加した陸上部の練習のとき起きた。監督もコーチもおらずたるんだ雰囲気のなか、計測係をしていた部員のひとりが
「オレ、5秒ピッタリで止められるぜ！」
と、タイマをもて遊び始めたのだ。すると「オレならもっとピッタリいける」「オレもオレも」と周りの男子みんながタイマに耽りはじめ…気がつけばAくんも輪の中にいた。
Aくんは
「貴重な人生のひとときをムダにする、愚かしい行為だと頭ではわかっていた。でも…いちど手を出すとやめられなくなってしまう。まさに麻薬だと思った」
と苦悩に満ちた顔で告白する。今でもタイマのひどい離脱症状に苦しんでおり、自宅で家族の目を盗んでは5秒ピッタリにチャレンジしているという。
文部科学省の統計では、タイマ常習者は男子学生やサラリーマンが多数を占め、タイマに浪費される延べ時間は「一年に全国でおよそ2万時間」という。社会の生産性向上のためには解決が急務だ。識者は、
「携帯電話の普及に伴い腕時計の着用がまれになったために、タイマやストップウォッチへの耐性が低下したことが流行の背景にあるのでは」
と指摘しており、ここでもケータイの有害性があらわになったかっこうだ。
タイマ中毒より、プチプチ中毒の方がはるかに常習性と感染性が強いと思うのだが。
タイマだけに、止め時が難しいですね。
タイマ汚染は仕方ないですよね。
だって、相撲の神様が当麻蹴速(タイマのけはや)ですから…
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
で、DELLにょ!!
５秒止まらんにょ。
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
次に規制すべきは神宮大麻と、その製造/配布元だな。
タイマイタタイタイママタタイタ
タイマイタイタライマタイタ
タイマイタイマニハタイタイタイ
イママイタイママイタ
タイマイマイタイマイタイ
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
かつて「そにーたいま」という品種が広く蔓延していたことがある。しかし、品質悪化が過ぎて「入手した時点でだめになっている」など悪評が広まり、現在ではかつての勢いはない。
なお、品質悪化の原因として、それまで「いんべーだー」と戦っていた謎の組織が「まいなすげーと」を使い人類と敵対し始めた、という噂が流れている。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
そういえば、共立女子大学の卒業論文の調査で「職場が寒すぎる」ことがわかったらしい。「寒いおやじは半分にしても仕事に影響はないと思う」「おやじをこの世から削減することで、ひとりあたり年360kgの二酸化炭素を削減できる」とのこと。
「おやじぎゃる」は保護対象なので間違えてはいけない。
残念ながら今は２秒とめるのがやっとだ。
やれやれだぜ。
そもそもタイマが非合法扱いされるのは、かつて腕時計業界が時間市場の既得権を独占していただけのことだ。世界の趨勢はむしろタイマの合法化であろう。そうすれば爆発カットの描写が５秒でうんたらかんたらだと薀蓄を語る作画厨や中割厨も、作品全体を鑑賞するノーマルな廃人へと一皮むけるであろうことは必然。タイマ合法化！革命万歳！
住所：地下闘技場
職業：プロ右翼市民
私は一秒で止められますよ。
ひと呼吸で二回目を押すと良いのですよ。
陸上部がスピード求めずにタイマですか？
なげかわしい。
住所：名古屋県
職業：荒らし
怖いですね。
最近の子供はタイマンが好きなのですか。
ヘタに近づけませんね。
嗚呼、昔の良き子供達はどこに。
住所：地下闘技場
職業：櫻井よしこ
タイマーズ復活の日も近いですね！
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
イツミさんイツミさん
死んじゃったんですね～～♪
と唄うた本人が今生死の瀬戸際に・・・。
キヨシロー、生還するんだにょ～～！！
タイマ所持は解雇になった模様ですが、ココ暫らく前からパートタイマーの解雇は(ry
住所：東京都
職業：めがねっ娘
最近はタイマ汚染の中でもさらに中毒性が高い
「どれだけ早く0.00秒に近いところで止められるか」
という
「スピード」
と呼ばれる種類も蔓延しつつあるようです。
また、主婦の間でも
「キッチンタイマ」
が流行っており、脳の
「ちゃんと自分の頭で覚えておく」
機能が急速に失われつつあるとのことです。
グッチ 財布 新作
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