モテない男の人はずっとモテないまま?! 今まで知られていなかった意外な事実を、このほど科学者たちが緻密な調査で明らかにした。研究をおこなったのは東京大学の小谷敦准教授らのグループ。結果をまとめた論文は1日付けの米学会誌「Human Nature」に掲載される予定だ。
小谷准教授らは、過去2年間にわたり都内に住む1,200人の非モテ童貞男性を対象に性生活のようすを追跡調査してきた。毎年、クリスマスイブやバレンタインデーなどのイベント終了にあわせ
「モテることがあったか」
「童貞を捨てるチャンスはあったか」
といったアンケート聴取をおこない、モテ度の推移を調べた。その結果、
- 容貌にめぐまれない
- 経済的に不自由
などモテない条件を備えた童貞は「モテ度がぜんぜん向上しない」という結果が出たという。
これまで、童貞に関しては
「不器用でモテない男性でも、いつかはココロのキレイな女性にめぐりあい、幸せな恋愛体験をすることができる」
とか、
「非モテだからこそ正直で親切。やさしさを理解してくれる女性がきっと現れる」
というのが学会の定説だった。今回の研究は、こうした言説を「ただの寝言」と喝破し「世の中そんなに甘くない」と教えてくれるものであり、各方面で強い衝撃をもって迎えられそうだ。
小谷准教授は、
「アニメで萌えキャラが人気を集めるように、男性もハンサムで有名ブランドの服を着ているほうがモテるに決まっている。モテない男は、いわばゼロ。ゼロになにを掛けてもゼロ。もうあきらめたほうがいいのではないか」
と話している。
きょうは4月1日。
住所：不定
ボーガスのエイプリルフールってことはこれほどリアリティに富む記事はないってことですね！！
この日だけ憑き物が落ちたように真実を言うのは止めろ…。
住所：靖国神社
職業：プロ左翼市民
小谷氏は非常に重要な研究をまとめられましたね。
４月１日か…もう春ですねえ。
お*前*全*然*面*白*く*な*い*よ。
書くの*や*め*ろ*よ
こ*の*ゲ*□**ウ*ジ*ム*シが。
難病*抱**え*て*泣**い*て*長*生きしろ
あれ？４月１日は真実を告白する日でしたか？
bogusnewsは真実しか書きませんがなにか？
住所：不定
職業：社畜
4月1日の午後に嘘を付くと嘘つきって言われるんですよ。
別に4月1日の午前に真実を語る分には問題なし。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
やはりそうでしたか。
世界の残酷な真実に戦慄を覚えずにはいられません。
住所：ネットカフェ
職業：IT士方
あぁよかった、エイプリルフールの嘘記事だったんだね！
“おれ前は全天然顔面蒼白な
くいなかいだよ。
書くのいやだめだろうよ
これのトゲは□にアウがジﾔムナシが。
難病を抱くとえひて、泣くがいきて成長長生きしろ”
こうですか？
わかりません＞＜
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
今回の記事はある意味「電車男」の物語が６０億分の１の奇跡の実話であることを表しているのかもしれない。
この瓦版は今日で廃刊になるそうです。
きょうは4月1日。
「ただの寝言」ﾜﾛｽｗｗｗｗｗ
いやー、普段は真実を真摯に伝え続けているニュースサイトが、エイプリルフールに真面目に取り組むと、こんなに面白い記事が出来上がるんですね。何の気兼ねもなく爆笑させて頂きましたｗ
主幹さんも、こういったネタ記事を書いたことで、ちょっとした息抜きになったのではないでしょうか？ 明日からはまた、私たちに真実を伝えるために頑張って下さい！
小谷って……
あ、そうか。実名でネタにするとCat2先生が「名を名乗れ」とか難癖付けに来るからか。
×学会→○学界
>難癖付けに来るからか。
難癖どころか
下手したら
ストーカーされた挙句に
小説で発表されちゃうからね。
まだあったんだ、このつまらないサイト。それ自体が嘘みたい。
今日は近所のガソリンスタンド、その全てが、20円以上、大幅値下げしてるんですよ。もう、ビックリしましてね。エープリルフールかと。
そこで相談なんですがね。なんとか、こう、時空をループ状に操作して、この状態を無限にキープできませんかね？ え、無理？ 赤木大臣が死んだから？（注；本紙過去記事参照のこと）
あぁ…それは残念ですねぇ。
2008年4月１日が永遠に続くなら、今日、嫌なやつをブチ殺してやろうと思ってたんですがね。そしたら、ヤツは、「死ぬ苦しみ」を回数無制限に味わい続けるわけでしょう？ そして私はバイアグラの手配をして、夜の街に繰り出すわけですよ。いいアイデアだと思ったんですがねぇ。
「30年もコッソリ暫定で倍取ってたガソリン税、力づくでもう一度戻しても怒らないよね？」とかいう寝言を公言してる政府関係者はやはりエイプリルフールですか。
当日以外にもやたらと言っちゃダメだと思うんだけど。
年寄は舶来の行事に疎いからな。
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
>なにを掛けても
白い液くらいはかけてみんと・・・
まあ、汁男優くらいには誰でもなれるにょ。
住所：ニュースJAPAN
職業：プロ左翼市民
bogusnews大好きっ娘 さん
宮武外骨は偉かったねぇ
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
児童への性犯罪者の９割近くを占める「モテない童貞」による性犯罪を防止するため、自民党は、現在の保護観察制度を見直し「世界最凶の人権蹂躙国をつくる８つの宣言」をまとめた。
モテない童貞者に対しては、自分では外せないＧＰＳ付き腕輪の装着を義務づけ、行政が行動をチェックする「電子腕輪制度」の創設を目指すとした。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
なお、政府は、偏向した映画や集会に対するテロ行為を示唆する個人や集団への監視は行われない、と断言した。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
Yahoo!ニュースの意識調査で、常習性犯罪者へGPS装着案に賛成が94%に達してました。
これが“一般庶民”の正体なのね・・
心底恐ろしい・・
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：童貞
孫悟空の頭の輪もGPS.
つまりは奴も・・・
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
＞きょうは４月１日
はたして、これは主幹の精一杯のジョークなのかどうかで意見が分かれるところでありましょうな。
>モテない男性はずっとモテない
ガソリンの暫定税率はずっと維持…などと言っていましたが、短い春？が来ましたね。 きっと恋にも短い春が来ますよ。
ガソリンが安くなりましたから、西郷どんがいたイモ焼酎王国へ車で走ってきます。片道１０９０ｋｍ… １日で行けるのかな？ 少しお休みをします。
キリン「バーンストーム・トゥルップス」 自称いやはや隊メンバーより
＞賛成が94%に達してました。
あれはひどいｗ
自ら家畜になる国民というのをはじめて見ました。
4月1日バイアスでなければ、
そろそろこの国にも見切りを付けた方が良さそうですね。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
「よかった。非モテ男子はいないんだ」
世界各地の美少女某瓦斯新聞読者(推定70億人)の声である。仮に、もてない男子がいて、みずからの容姿に似た文章を晒していたとしても、優しい読者がお友達になってくれるであろう。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：アルファコメンター
> Yahoo!ニュースの意識調査で、常習性犯罪者へGPS装着案に賛成が94%に達してました。
> 自ら家畜になる国民というのをはじめて見ました。
常習性犯罪者が集うコメント欄はここですか？
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
もてないのなら、中支方面軍に志願すれば良い。
南京で中国娘を好きなだけ抱けるぞ。
それも無料で。
そればかりでなく、御希望とあらば、殺(以下自粛)
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>自ら家畜になる国民というのをはじめて見ました。
つかぬ事を尋ねるが、貴公は、いずれの国の方か？
日本人では無いようだが？
> 長 勇 さん
GPS付きケータイを装着してはいかがでしょうか？
住所：ソ連
職業：ヤリチン
ちょっと酷いですね・・・この記事は。
エイプリルフールだからといって、どんな嘘でも許される訳じゃないですよ。
これを真に受けて深く傷付いてしまう、ピュアな非モテさん達の気持ちを全く考えていない・・・。
来年は心がホッと温まるような嘘をお願いします。
人を無闇に傷付けたりしないでください。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
> 心がホッと温まるような嘘
「アリシアさんの寿退職は嘘でした」
住所：ブラジル
職業：ヤリチン
鈴木殿
>「アリシアさんの寿退職は嘘でした」
ついでに「アリシアさんが20歳になったのも嘘でした」を加えて欲しいです。
せめて19歳のままでいてくれないと。
いや、20でもいいんですよ。
頑張れなくはないんですよ。
でも、なるべく19の時点で踏ん張ってくれないと。
こちらにも都合というものがありますし。
別に20以上は絶対無理とは言いませんが。
住所：日本
職業：bogusnews大好きっ娘
＞加藤様
職業欄が誤っておられますね。投稿時点で既に4月2日になっていたのですから、正しい職業を記入して頂かねばなりませんな。
速やかな謝罪と訂正と賠償を要求します。
住所：ちたま
職業：アルファコメンター
＞00:00 掲載
１ヶ月前くらいから記事を用意し、前日は数時間前から「早く４月１日にならないかなあ」と時計を何度も見て、数十分前からブラウザの前に鎮座している主幹の姿が目に浮かぶ・・・。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
それは妄想幻覚の類と言えよう。
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>GPS付きケータイを装着してはいかがでしょうか？
そうか、そんなに小官がプリキュアに変身する所を見たいか。
よかろう。
えーと、「913」と打ち込んで、ベルトに装着……だったかな？
モテなくても一人本命ができればいいのでは･･･
確かに自分はそのままで、心のきれいな女性なら自分をすきになる、と思い込んでいるのでは、すごく難しそうだけど。
誰にでも優しいとか、おしゃれとか、魅力的な人は、条件悪くても、それなりに相手ができていると思う。
特に女性は服装センス重視する人多いかも。独身なのに日曜日のお父さんみたいな格好してるとか、どこでもスーツとかはやめたほうが。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
> みかづき殿
一口に「非もて系」といっても、ここ数年で成り上がった「成非もて」から、七代に渡って非もてという「由緒正しき非もて」まである。加えて、政府の陰謀により改造非もてにされた人がいる、という噂もある。このように、事実は男心のように複雑なのである。
住所：名古屋県
職業：レジェンド
一口に「非もて系」といっても、キスやセックスなど一通りの儀式を通過しているにもかかわらず、それでも自分はもてていないと勝手にほざきやがる「癪に障る糞野郎」から、異性交遊の経験が極めて乏しい「レジェンド（伝説超人）」まである。加えて、時間超人の陰毛により、かつて人気を博したエロゲーを名古屋大須の一エロゲーショップに売った所、買取金額10円という評価を下され、血の涙を流したレジェンドがいる、という噂もある。このように、人生は男根のように熱く太く愛くるしいのである。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
裕福な人が「貧乏人は麦でも食ってろ」と言うのと、きれいな女性が「キモメンはしぬまで童貞でいろ」と言うのは、どちらも素敵な励ましのお言葉ですね。
は？ 綺麗ごと言うんじゃねーよ
新事実判明「モテない男性はずっとモテない」─研究者が発見 : bogusnews
新事実判明「モテない男性はずっとモテない」─研究者が発見 : bogusnews
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