正月おせち料理のクーポンを販売したところ残飯と見まがうばかりの品が届いたとして矢面に立たされていたフラッシュマーケティング大手「グルーポン」が、またもトラブルを起こした。今度は節分の風物詩「恵方巻」だ。
問題が起きたのは同社が先月中旬に販売した人気レストラン「タイガービストロ」の
「超豪華恵方巻」
500セット。栃木県産最高級かんぴょうを芯に、米は魚沼産こしひかり、具材は鹿児島黒豚チャーシューに松阪牛ローストビーフ、下仁田ねぎ、黒海産キャビアなど47品目をちりばめ、有明産のりを使い職人技でしっかりと巻いた──という宣伝文句が話題となり、一瞬で完売した。
しかし、節分のきょうになって実物が自宅に届きはじめると、消費者たちから次々に悲鳴があがった。
「こんな太いの……お口に入らないよう……」
「あぁん、すごぉい。太くて固ぁい……」
というのだ。ネットには「これではまるかぶりにならない」「妻や娘にイラマチオをさせようというのか！」と批判の書き込みが殺到している。
グルーポン側は
「正月おせちの件を深く反省し、店にきちんとしたサービスを提供するよう指導した賜物。豪華なのに批判されるとは心外」
とコメントするばかりで反省の色を見せていない。まるしゃぶりに詳しい識者の黒沢あらら監督は「さあ！ 奥まで飲み込むんだ！」と話している。
住所：平安京
職業：ピンカートンの権妻
主幹、おかえりやす。皆様がたお退屈さんのあまりに、哀哭ブログにまで遠出をしておいやしたのえ。もっとさいさいのお出ましをおたのもうします。
道鏡しかり、日本人は太さにあこがれがあり、武器にもなるではないか。
主幹はなにかコンプレックスか、偏見をお持ちなのではないか?
流石に豪華にして批判されるのは可哀想だと思います
お口に余るなら寸断すればいいじゃない、しゅばばば（←なんかありがちっぽく爪を伸ばして屠ふりごろのサイズに切る音）
ほふほふ。
主幹
「挿入は強く押し込むからその後は流れでお願いします」
主幹の彼女
「了解。流れで少し歯を立てるよ」
主幹
「14日のことですがもらえるならもらえませんか？ダメなら20万は返してもらいたいです」
住所：靖国神社
職業：東洋鬼子
>主幹はなにかコンプレックスか、偏見をお持ちなのではないか?
果して、主幹の持ってるコンプレックスは、太さだけであろうか??
例えば、持久力に関しても……
「ほ～ら、おじちゃんの恵方巻だよ～」
住所：不定
職業：工作員
ディック・ミネのディック・ミネってものすげーディック・ミネらしいよ（なんのこっちゃ
住所：靖国神社
職業：日本会議シンパ
風俗で、「ち、ちいさい・・・」と言われてさらに小さくなったことのトラウマが、ギャグに表れているのでしょうか。失踪からの主幹の後遺症を愛をこめて心配しています。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
＞＞主幹はなにかコンプレックスか、偏見をお持ちなのではないか?
＞果して、主幹の持ってるコンプレックスは、太さだけであろうか??
主幹は、「細い・被ってる・早い」、あるいは「細い・被ってる・硬くならない」のどちらかの３重苦だったりして・・・。
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
えぇ～い、黒くて太い海苔巻を女に無理やりまるっかじりさせて喜ぶなんざ凶・殴逆の変態助平狒々親父の考ぇた事に違いあんめぇ、勇猛果敢な尚武の地、坂東にゃそんな軟弱なモンは元々無ぇんだよ、商売んなると思った漏損とかいう金の為なら恥を知らねぇコゥガン鞭な浪花の奴らのおっ始めたことだっぺ、節分つうたら豆撒きだべ、そんで撒いた豆ぇ使って初午にゃシモツカレさ作んのが正しい坂東武者のあり方だっぺ、それっ一騎当千の強者共ォ馬ぁ曳け、シモツカレさ携えて軟弱な平家の公達とやらぁ蹴散らしに西ィ向かって出発だっぺぇ～！
住所：山のあなたの幸いの住んでいるところ（すなわち恵方）
職業：泣きながら帰ってきた男
なお最大の抗議を寄せたのはと痴痔とのこと
談：「あんなに黒くて太いモノに日本の心があるわけがない。あれではくわえられず、障子を破るくらいにしか使えない。細くて一口サイズこそわたしの、いやいや日本の心だ」
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
適度な潤滑油があれば、××の穴の小さい主か…紳士の方々でも意外と受け入れられるものである。
…という報告を受けている。
住所：ねはん
職業：工作員
いまや恵方巻きまで条例に引っかかる世の中か…
バクのナニはおっきくて、先は顔が映るほどぴかぴかだという伝説があると、開高センセが書いてはりましたが、この太巻きも顔が映り込んだのではなかろーか、などと、とりとめないことを、思わず・・・
住所：銀河系
職業：ボルシェビキ
帰ってきた！僕等の主幹が帰ってきた！！
昨日はコンビニから京樽まで恵方巻一色だったなー。
ネタ系サイトも、節分の日は毎年『俺の恵方巻き』ネタ一色ですな。
これも日本の風物詩として認めたい。
正直なところカンピョウはいらないだろう。
100円寿司ですら、貧乏臭すぎてメニューに載せることができないくらいだから。
やっぱり納豆巻きがサイコー。100円寿司にもあって、お子様にも大人気。
住所：四次元
フラッシュマーケティング大手の名称(あえて書けません)を聴くたびに
おなかの調子を悪くしたときに、トイレに駆け込んで大きなのをポンと出して満足する効果音というドリフ的表現が浮かんでしまう。
住所：大極殿
職業：節分鬼退治
BN 休刊日の過ごし方の一例が以下に。
http://sinnnoaikokuhosyu.seesaa.net/article/183674945.html#comment
原材料が一部違っていました
下仁田ネギ->下ネタネギ
恵方巻は丸かぶり。
主幹は皮かぶり。
まで読んだ。
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
正直なところカンピョウはいらないだろう 貧乏臭すぎて
↑えぇ～い、ことの道理をわきまえぬ畜生奴が、さては貴様ぁ平家の間諜だっぺ、いくさの前の血祭にあげてやるわ、そこさなおれぇ～！
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
やっぱり納豆巻きがサイコー
↑たった今気づいたべ、貴様ぁ平家の間諜にして隠れイバラギだっぺ、もう許しておけぬわ、磔のうえそっ首ィ獄門じゃぁ～！
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
SAMURAI DICK DA NYO！
EKIBEN SURU NYO！
住所：おうち
職業：工作員
ところで先ほど、
上のPRリンクの「あなたも自宅で魯山人になれる」を「あなたも自宅で馬占山になれる」に空目してうっかりクリックしそうになり激しく落ち込んだところ。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
ようつべでこんなもんを発見しました。
この方のＤＶＤは、主幹の夜のお供リストに入っているのかしらん！？
住所：東京都
職業：便衣兵
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住所：東京都
職業：便衣兵
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住所：東京都
職業：便衣兵
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住所：東京都
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