米航空宇宙局（NASA）が15日公開した「6本足で歩くカニ型探査車」が注目を集めている。「カニそっくりでユニーク」というのが一般的な反応だが、ハードSFオタクからは「ロボットに足なんて合理的じゃない」と手厳しい意見も。しかし、ここにきてNASAがこのような探査車を開発しはじめた背景には、驚くべき事実のあることが弊紙の独自取材でわかった。
匿名を条件に取材に応じてくれたのはNASA研究員のジョージ（仮名）。ジョージによれば、このカニ型探査車は
「宇宙人とのファーストコンタクトに備えたものだ」
というのだ。
宇宙人とのファーストコンタクトといえば、相手の警戒心を解くために「宇宙人になるべく近い容姿になって話し合う」のが常道。かつて地球統合軍が、巨人型宇宙人とのコンタクトに備え姿を似せた可変戦闘機「VF-1」シリーズを開発した史実をひもとくまでもない。
ジョージの話では、ガニメデ星系在住のカニ型宇宙人が近ごろ勢力を拡大。地球圏に到達する勢いを見せているため、カニ形態でのコンタクトのニーズが急速に高まっているのだという。─しかし、コンタクトが不首尾に終わり戦争になった場合、われわれ人類はどうすればよいのか。質問に対しジョージは
「そんなときのために、オレたちのチームは“巨大カニバサミ”や“カニフォーク”を研究しているのさ。HaHaHaHaHa…」
と明快に答えてくれた。これで地球も安泰だ。
カニというよりは6本足のタコにも見えますね。
火星の掃除おばちゃんにお昼の仕出し弁当を届けるために開発されたんじゃないでしょうか…。
住所：ネビル星
職業：工作員
ネコ耳少女型宇宙人とのファーストコンタクト（＝処女接触）に備えて、「主幹型クンニ用ロボット」も開発すべき！
あそびにくるゾ！
宇宙人とのファーストコンタクトといえば、もうすでに行われているはずだが、アメリカではMIB、日本では宇宙人トミー・リー・ジョーンズ似の宇宙人が着てるはずだが。
携帯端末から書くと、誤字と、文章がおかしくなるな。
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
火星人の時にゃ超能力タコのパウロ君さ頼むんだべ？
ところで今何処居んだべ？
まさか喰っちゃいねぇだろな！
カニも蜘蛛も似たよーなものなので、ｱﾀｼが親善大使になりましょうｼｬｶｼｬｶｼｬｶ（節足で這い寄る音）
宇宙人さん、おむすびとこの柿の種&ピーナッツ交換しませんか？ｼｬｶｼｬｶ。
住所：クリスマス島
職業：カニだガニ（日本の沿岸のおいしい小蟹がピンチなの）
カニとかタコとか美味しそうですけど異星人との接近遭遇は地球の食糧危機の解決策になるのでせうかジュルル。
ところでジオングネタとマクロスネタはもういちいち突っ込みませんがタチコマの資料写真に「アフィリエイト目的です」は泣けました。
>資料写真：
写真はアフィリエイト目的です
誰も踏まないから安心するナリよ。
(･∀･)主幹必死ｽｸﾞﾙ
職業 謎のメッセンジャー
おしむ先生ともあろうお方が…。
あれらはシャドーガバメントに依る情報撹乱の一環です。
宇宙人とは地球空洞世界からやって来る“ユ〇ヤの失われた十氏族”であると御存知の筈ですが？
その事実を世に広める事…それを教授もお望みです…
住所：不定
職業：工作員
＞宇宙人
はらたいらに1000ボーガス。
住所:トランスフォーマー・ビーストウォーズ
職業:デストロン
カニはのぅ〜、チョッキンナと鳴くンじゃああぁ〜！
宇宙人でロボットでタチコマよりかわいいワシがファーストコンタクトしてやるぞぉ〜怖がれぇぇﾌﾞﾁ怖がれええぇ！
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
その宇宙人は惑星りあるてっくの住人ではなかろうか。
かに座怪獣ザニカだって二本足で歩いていたから気にするな、地球人。ジョワッ！
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
寧鎮が「か、かにんしとくれやす・・・」と逝ったので今日はカニ道楽記念日だNYO！
EKIBENするNYO！
住所：不定
職業：工作員
足なんか飾りです、お偉いさんにはそれがわからんのです。
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>ハードSFオタクからは「ロボットに足なんて合理的じゃない」
否。
ガ○×ムは「ハードSF」以前に、「SF」ですら無いのだ。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
ぜひ、作業中のＢＧＭとして“なにわのモーツアルト”ズラ、じゃなかったキダ・タロー先生が作ったかに道楽のＣＭソングを流して欲しいものである。
「と～れとれ ピチピチ カニ料理～！！」
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
まだガンダムはSFじゃないとかいうやつがいるのか。
だからSFマニアはナマコ野郎と忌み嫌われるのだ。
住所：四次元
え、もっとこう
「スベスベマンジュウガニ」
みたいなものを
住所：満洲
職業：参謀
いや～主幹殿、先日のタコ焼きパーティー楽しゅうございましたな～
「耳にタコ」「タコ助」「たこ八郎」「ドンタコス」など具材の珍しいこと！
とりわけドイツで拾ってきたタコは「食べられちゃう」「生き延びる」２つの水槽から、自分の運命を見事的中。あれはいい余興でしたな～。なんか調理する前に悲しそうな目をしていたような……。ま、おいしかったからいっか
わはは、今度は「空から飛来して来るタコ」「ハンバーガーショップを営むカーニーさん」などを捕獲してBBQでもいたしましょうぞ！
はやく「奴らとの勝負はじゃんけんにする」という条約を結ぶんだ～
住所：おうち
職業：工作員
おや？ カニならばそんな前時代なメカトロに頼らなくとも、本邦のバイオテクノロジーでカニ以外の生物からの生成技術がとっくに研究開発どころか量産段階だが？
最近はコンビニですら買えるし、本格仏蘭西料理の食材になったりさえしているというぞ。
NASAの科学技術はその程度だったということか…
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
二本じゃなくて日本は二足歩行人型ロボットでやっていきます。
http://www.nikkei.com/news/headline/article/g=96958A9C93819695E3E4E2E1818DE3E4E2EBE0E2E3E29180EAE2E2E2
フチコマのがカワイイから好き。
そんなカニにわざわざしなくても前首相がいるのでわ…
>日本は二足歩行人型ロボットでやっていきます。
*転倒すると乗員や荷物が危険
*縦長な形状のため、遠くにいる敵からも発見されやすく、砲撃、ミサイル攻撃の的になりやすい
*近代戦の戦場では兵士も匍匐前進
*素手で戦えば人間より虎や狼のほうが強い
*総合格闘技でも勝負が決まるのはグランド状態
以上の観点から、二足歩行ロボットの開発はｱﾆｵﾀの自己満足であり、予算の無駄。早急に仕分けすべきです。
リアルな話、段差に強い、幅を取らないというのがありますぞ。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
人類は二足歩行することによって両腕の自由度が増し、石器などの武器を使って有史以前の段階でマンモスを狩る尽くす地上最強の動物になったのです。人型ロボットでは二足歩行以上に両腕の開発も重要です。日本は国家プロジェクトとして二本脚二本腕の人型ロボットを世界に先駆けて完成することを目指すべきです。
住所：コミケ会場（晴海）
職業：80年代アニメ愛好家
>*素手で戦えば人間より虎>や狼のほうが強い
>*総合格闘技でも勝負が決>まるのはグランド状態
>人類は二足歩行することによって両腕の自由度が増し、石器などの武器を使って有史以前の段階でマンモスを狩る尽くす地上最強の動物になった
総合すれば四脚二本腕のケンタウロスが最強、というわけで人馬兵あるいは大馬神（馬大人にあらず）タイプのロボットを早急に開発すべし。
スパムメールをネタにしようと思って待ってるのに、来ないじゃないか！
足とか腕とか胴体なんて飾りです！ガンダムにとどめを刺したのは首じゃないのっ！首最強！多分ザクレロから鎌を外したら性能が数倍に跳ね上がるわっ！
>歴史の小便さん
アイマスﾈﾀに早く精力剤スパムこないかなぁ、と思っております。
主幹の生首にﾌﾞﾁｭｰとやって昇天し、機動隊の盾で圧死した飛頭蛮を乾燥させ石臼で粉末化した強力精力剤！「主幹ﾗｳﾞ飛頭蛮湯エキス」
*旦那の薄給を吸い取ってﾌﾚﾝﾁを食べ続け肥太り、新婚当時とは別物の脂肪怪物になった嫁
*「後でいくらでも触れるでしょ。ちょっと待っててね」と言ってシャワーを浴び、化粧が落ちた途端に妖怪に変身する女子大生やOL
*写真と全然違う泡嬢
といった強敵相手にも70分以上強力に勃ち続け、気まずい思いをせずに済む逸品です。
一包3gが今なら大特価\157, 000！
ご要望の方は私の無認可医院にお越し下さい。
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
10歳ぐらいのロリータの体力について行けず、へとへとになります。
良く効く精力剤はありますか？
住所：皇居
職業：ボルシェビキ
ブランドUGGに興味がありますか
UGG靴は大変人気ブランド靴ですね
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住所：名古屋県
職業：ネット右翼
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