テレビCMで「モコモコがカワイイ！」と人気急上昇の珍獣アルパカ。ブームの震源地である栃木県那須町のテーマパーク「アルパカ牧場那須ビッグファーム」は連日、観光客で大にぎわい。この週末も大勢の親子連れが訪れ、アルパカが主食のしもつかれを反すうして食べているようすを初めて見た子どもたちは、一様に驚きと感心の声をあげていた。
もともとアルパカは、栃木県が来るべき茨城県との最終戦争
「アルマゲドン」
に備えて開発した非ヒト型決戦生物。栃木県農林試験場と宇都宮大学・自治医大が協力して遺伝子組み換えで生み出した。かわいい風貌で周囲を油断させつつ、茨城県がいつ攻めてきても発見できるよう、長い首をフル活用して県境を監視するのが主目的となっている。モコモコの毛と長いまつげは核が使われた際に放射性物質を取り込まないよう設計されたものだ。
また、茨城が福島・群馬と手を組み“IFG包囲網”で篭城を迫られたときに備え、県内で自活するために貴重な食料を生み出す役割も期待されている。アルパカは空中の炭素や残飯を収集、栃木名産しもつかれに原子変換して口から吐き出すことができるのだ。また、吐き出したものが余ればまた食べて反すうし、長期保存することも可能。栃木県の福田知事は
「アルパカがいればわが軍はあと十年は戦えるっぺや」
と語っている。
15日にはCMでアルパカと共演中の女優・成海璃子さんもかけつけ、親交をあたためるイベントが。席上、アルパカがしもつかれを反すうするようすを見た成海さんが、思わずもらいゲ…もといもらいしもつかれを生産するハプニングはあったものの、おおむね好評。見学の親子連れが顔を青ざめさせながら自家用車で帰途につくのが印象的だった。
>見学の親子連れ
茨城県民ですね
住所：ちたま
職業：自室警備員
>茨城が福島・群馬と手を組み“IFG包囲網”
水戸ホーリーホック（茨城）がベガルタ仙台（宮城）・ザスパ草津（群馬）と手を組み“栃木ＳＣ包囲網”ですね、わかります。あれ、福島がねえべや…
ごめんね、ごめんね～＠Ｕ時工事。
住所：銀河系
職業：IT士方
> 珍獣
> 栃木県農林試験場と宇都宮大学・自治医大が協力して遺伝子組み換えで生み出した。
「栃木県農林試験場」の別名は「HOTEL業魔殿」だったり、生み出したのが新月の夜だったりするんでしょうか。
……いかん、頭が「真女神転生デビルサマナー」になっとるorz。
ミラバケッソというのは、しもつかれのことだったのか。
関西は独立してこんな県と縁を切りたくなった。
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
>成海璃子もらいゲ…
回収してファンにヤフ奥で売るとら万かにょ？
アルパカは警戒に使えますが、改良前の普通のモノだと唾を吐きかけるだけですが。
やはり攻めて来る茨城県民を見つけた際にも、シモツカレを吐きかけますか？
それとも原子変換で最終戦争に相応しいダーティーボムとか小型核とか、吐きますか？
一方その頃、急遽ﾁﾊﾞとの県境の南部戦線から巨大ヒト型決戦兵器がﾄﾁｼﾞの強力なアルパカ部隊を殲滅すべく召集され、国道294を進んでいた。
『牛久大仏』
ｹﾝﾅﾝの守護神、いや仏である。
最終決戦の日は近い
(･∀･)ﾄﾞｯﾁﾓ逝ｯﾃﾖｼ
成海璃子さん手作りのしもつかれなら俺も食べたいと、茨城県から離反者も続出するなどの副次効果もあったとか。
おの～れおのれ妬ましやアルパカ～栃木県民に神と崇められ最終決戦を制するのは、この宇都宮の餃子堕天女ﾗｰﾕ様ぢゃ～潰して具材にしてくれる～！
見よ！悪の奇跡を見よ！ｴﾛｴﾛｴﾛ（上下の口から餃子を産出する音）ら、らめえｱﾀｼのかららから出れいっれ、ｴﾛｴﾛｴﾛ。
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
ま～たこの主幹のデレスケが、何ごじゃっぺ言ってんだ、シモツカレシーズンさ終わっつまったから男体山さ籠もって修行さ励んでたのによ、サル軍団から使いさ来たんで栃木の町さ降りてみたらよ、な～にがイバラギとの最終戦争だぁ、イバラギなんざお前ぇ、ナットと鮟鱇みてぇなヌンルヌンルした喰いモンしか無ぇどこ、誰が相手すっか、何？アルパカァ？あんなモン珍しいんけ？栃木の町さ来てみろ、野良アルパカさ一杯ぇ居っぞ、一匹持ってっか？
でも成海璃子ちゃんが、朝の駅で兄貴を生体改造してしもつかれ製造マシーンにしてたんだよね。
成海璃子とは世を忍ぶ仮の姿、その実体は、世界征服を目指す栃木県が作った、宇都宮の大谷石石切場の地下研究所に君臨する
「喜連川（きつれがわ）博士」
なのだぁー!!
「そんなこともあろうかとォ！」
テポドンはアルマゲドンにどう絡むのか…
核の冬にアルパカだけが繁殖する日本…？
>野良アルパカさ一杯ぇ居っぞ、一匹持ってっか？
是非お願いしたい。
いまマジマジ
第23話
エリンが逃げ延びた先は、大公に献上するアルパカを育てるビッグファーム村だった。そこでエリンは、アルパカと共演中の女優・成海璃子の家に住み込みで働くことに。つかのまのモコモコを楽しんでいたエリンだったが、成海璃子は育てていたアルパカが栃木県中のしもつかれをすべて食い尽くすという失態をしでかしたかどで、bogus主幹に一生添い遂げる残酷な刑に処されることに…。
＞bogus主幹に一生添い遂げる残酷な刑に処されることに
美談じゃないか…
＞獣の奏者エリン 殿
「は」と「が」を入れ替えるといいんじゃね？
成海璃子が育てていたアルパカは栃木県中のしもつかれをすべて食い尽くすという失態をしでかしたかどで、bogus主幹に一生添い遂げる残酷な刑に処されることに…。
確か、エリン世界の主幹は妙齢のジャーナリスト宅地下室に幽閉されたのでは？
その状況で更に一生を添い遂げる成海璃子…
＞美談じゃないか…
そうですよ。顔面が不自由な人は顔面が不自由な事によって人には言えないハンデを背負っているのです。
ですから顔面が不自由な事を殊更に取り上げて、顔面が不自由だと言って差別したり、顔面が不自由な事を敢えて何回も顔面が不自由だと指摘したり、顔面が不自由な人を顔面が不自由だと言う理由で顔面が不自由だと罵ったり、顔面が不自由だとbogus新聞しか書けないぞなんて思ったりしてはいけません。
宇大農学部の科学力は世界一ィィィィィィィィ！！
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
アルパカなんかよりこっちのほうがインパクトが凄い。
http://www.jiji.com/jc/zc?k=200903/2009031600589&rel=y&g=soc
ロリコンとしては11歳ぐらいの容姿で作ってくれたら最高なんですけどね。少年でも少女でもいい。それにしても素晴らしい!!
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
時空の歪みが原因で妙な投書をしてしまいました。すまんです。栃木と茨城が戦争するそうですけど、エネルギーの無駄遣いですよ。時代は「戦争」より「革命」です。若者には特に革命が必要です。栃木と茨城が手を結び、自衛隊と協力して日本国を根本から変革してしまいましょう。きっと楽しいですよ。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
＞栃木県が来るべき茨城県との最終戦争「アルマゲドン」
納豆としもつかれが飛び交う生臭い戦争になるわけですな。
茨城県の非ヒト型決戦生物はプレーリードッグなんでしょうね。
http://www.amazon.co.jp/gp/reader/4862180248/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-page
関係ないですが、今日の「笑っていいとも！」テレフォンショッキングに、妙齢の女性ジャーナリストさんが出ていましたね。主幹につないでくれるかと期待していたのですが、残念でした。
隣国をすべからく自国の敵視して一緒くた扱いは如何なものか。
よく中韓が攻めて来るなどと妄言を吐くヴァカが珍しくないが、仮想敵国同士が結託して一方の同盟国へ攻め込むとか、軍事的に無知とか以前にアホ過ぎる。
福島と群馬は尾瀬の領有権を巡って対立関係にあり、同盟して他国を攻めるなどネットトチギの妄想である。
某とんでも知事(略して「と知事」)を哂えない酷さではないか。
住所：不定
職業：プロ左翼市民
＞「は」と「が」を入れ替えるといいんじゃね？
「残酷な刑」につながる主体を明確にするために、「が」でなく「は」でなくてはならない。
×成海璃子が育てていたアルパカは…残酷な刑に処されることに…。
○成海璃子は…残酷な刑に処されることに…。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
気をつけろ。「とちじ県王」は、47の王の頂点に立つ「と王」の傀儡にすぎない。
住所：不定
職業：プロ左翼市民
さらに文章の構成を入れ替えることで、日本語の曖昧さを回避できるぞ。
＞育てていたアルパカが栃木県中すべてのしもつかれを食い尽くすという失態をしでかしたかどで、成海璃子は残酷なbogus主幹（童貞）に一生添い遂げる刑に処されることに…。
＞（童貞）
入れ替えではなく、挿入してるじゃないか。
公衆の面前で堂々と挿入するとは童貞に対する挑戦だ！
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>最終決戦の日は近い
さらに茨城県は、アルマゲドンに備え、千葉県柏市に潜伏させていた漫画家の佐渡川準(ちなみに空手の有段者)を呼び戻す予定との事。
ただし、空手の神・マス大山 曰く、
「人間とアルパカを檻に閉じ込めたなら、人間は鬼包丁(*1)を手にして、始めてアルパカと対等に戦える」
との事なので、どこまで役に立つかは不明。
*1:
刀身に「鬼丸」と書かれた巨大な包丁で、山田朝右衛門吉継の愛刀。
ドラゴンころしとか、壮剣ガーヴィナルとか言う別名も有る。
住所：名古屋県
職業：自室警備員
何を考えているのかわからない奴だと前から思っていたんだ。
あの無感情な瞳。
>ホンカツ氏
「残酷な刑」に処されたのは「アルパカ」でいいのです。なあに、穴さえあいていれば童貞には成海璃子と反芻動物の区別なんかつきませんて。
北方で文明を持たない野蛮人たちが戦に明け暮れているようだ。
高度な文明と文化を持つ埼玉はどのようにして国土を防衛したらよいのであろうか。
*秩父出身の色黒ｵｶﾏ落語家
*なぜか近頃、周辺でｵﾀｸが多く見かけられる時期があった鷲宮神社の神通力
*所沢に生息する、子供にしか見えない珍獣
いずれも防衛力として期待できない。
そこで埼玉は自国出身の工作員をスペースシャトルに搭乗させ、宇宙空間から野蛮人の住む未開の地を攻撃し焼き払うという計画を発動させた。
裁きの日は近付いている。
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
>裁きの日は近付いている。
117に電話したら、
「ドゥームズデイ・クロックが0時2分前を、お知らせします」
とか言われる訳だな。
「ふっ。アディオス、未開人…うっ！」
ロボットアームから滅却ビームが放たれようとした瞬間、工作員は目を見張った。
見よ、遥か下界から飛び立ち、竿になり鉤になり殺到するアルパカの群れ、群れ、群れ。
「母なる栃木は討たせないっ！…それが造られしアルパカの存在理由…っ！」
ありがとう、アルパカ。ありがとう、しもつかれ。後は宇都宮の餃子に任せて安らかに眠るがよいｵﾎﾎﾎﾎ。
[旅][レポ]アルパカを巡る冒険 前編
先週、アルパカ牧場へ行ってきた。 ミラバケッソのCMで「なんじゃあれは」と思っていたが、 実際に見てみると、まさに人知を超えた感じでとても良かった。 写真も多いので、とりあえず２回に分けて書く。 ■ 8月の初旬、「アルパカ牧場日誌」なるものを見つた。 読んでみ
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