警視庁万世橋署は28日、ピッキング防止法違反容疑で自称「スーパーヒーロー」の男を現行犯逮捕した。同法指定の侵入工具であるドライバーを持っていた疑いだが、男は「ピッキングなどしない。私は正義超人」と容疑を否定している。
逮捕されたのは、無職・住所不定のキン肉スグル容疑者（29）。調べによると、スグル容疑者は午後2時ごろ、ふだん寝泊まりしている公園近くの牛丼屋「松屋」前をパンツ一丁で徘徊していたため、怪しんだ警ら中の警察官が職務質問したところ、持ちワザから
「キン肉ドライバー」
が見つかったという。
逮捕後にさらに署で取り調べをおこなったところ、スグル容疑者はドライバーのほかに「48の殺人技」まで持っていたため、余罪があるものとして厳しく追及中だ。これに対し容疑者は、
「わたしは正義超人。ピッキングなどという卑劣なマネはしない」
と全面的に犯行を否認したうえ、「へのつっぱりはいらんですよ」などと意味のわからないことを口走っているという。
捕まえた警官の悪魔将軍さんは
「体感治安の悪化もここまできたかと思った。逮捕のときも“友情パワーで見逃してくれ”などと言われた。おそろしい話だ」
と恐怖を語る。どうやら法とモラルを守らない「モンスター超人」が急増しているようだ。
超人に詳しいテリーマンさんのコメント：
ジャパニーズの超人はクレイジーだからな
相変わらず素晴らしい記事ですね。報道一筋300年の主幹の「早い記事化」「うまい論評」「安い購読料」の三拍子揃った執筆姿勢には惚れ惚れしてしまいます。読んでいて思わず、主幹が両手にお持ちの10本のドライバーで私の疼く身体を修理して欲しいと願ってしまいましたが、主幹の卓越した手技を私だけのために使っていただこうなんて叶わぬ夢ですよね・・・。遠くからいつも見守っています。
住所：不定
職業：自室警備員
この超人は他にも公然わいせつの余罪が・・・
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
にゅうはあふのおねえさんやかん・が～んのしんぞうくんはキン消しでけしてしまったから、ぶらぶらするものはついていないんだＹＯ。
だけどほんもののねいちんとちがって、キモチイイあなはついていないから、ぼくはねいちんのほうがイイんだYO。
もしほうもんかんごをかくれみのにしてきてくれるねいちんがにせもののほものかんごのにゅうはあふだったら、まよわずCHA～NGE！といってほんもののみつつぼをもったねいちんにかえてもらうんだYO！
>みつつぼをもったねいちん
ハチミツ壷を持ったプーさんあたりで妥協して頂けませんかね、馬大人。
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
＞牛丼屋「松屋」前
すき屋の前ではなかったのだなァ。
ところで、ミート君を連れて歩いていたところ、幼児誘拐犯と間違えられてという話があるとかないとか・・・。
キン肉マンは、地球にいること自体不法滞在の罪なんじゃないだろうか？
住所：靖国神社
職業：櫻井よしこ
主幹さまのたくましい鍵で私の開かずの穴をこじ開けて!!!
悪魔将軍が警官に憑移…。
世も末では。
マユミさんは監督に就任するも、スグルさんはコメンテーターのまま…。
平行宇宙のピッキング逮捕よりは幸福ですが。
＞妙齢の女性ジャーナリストさんへ
主幹さまの屁のツッパリでは開かずの穴はあきません…orz
＞主幹さまのたくましい鍵で私の開かずの穴をこじ開けて!!!
よしこさんの穴は、前方後円墳型ですか。
>よしこさんの穴は、前方後円墳型ですか。
妙齢の女性ジャーナリストさんと主幹さまの友情…ではなくて色情のマグネットパワーを使ったクロスボンバーを見てみたいです。
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
政界に巣喰う「ばぐしーん」と戦うと称した強化服着用での自作自演がばれて農協と戦う、というよく理解できない電波を受けた。げっとらいど!
住所：匿名掲示板
職業：工作員
ドライバーを持って歩いていただけで逮捕ですか・・
変な法律が出来る前に、こんな非常識な逮捕が起きるだろうと危険性を訴えると「被害妄想だね」とか小馬鹿にされたりするんですよね。
というわけで、「児童ポルノ法」には絶対反対!!
住所：交通違反をもみ消す方法
職業：いなご
>危険性を訴えると「被害妄想だね」
人権保護法や改正国籍法の危険性はきれいな被害妄想。
主幹と妙齢よしこのくんずほぐれつ48手ですか？ ホラーの世界でつね。
わざわざピッキング防止法違反容疑で逮捕せんでも、公然わいせつでよかったんじゃないか
なるほど。国籍法を改正すると日本にも不法超人が増えてしまうんですな。
ドライバー関連で自動車絡みのネタが全く無いのは、若年層の自動車離れの現れではないか。
フランスでは最早、失業者の群れが犯罪者に転職なさっていると、統計に出たようです…。orz
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