どうしてもリニア路線を曲げたい─。リニア中央新幹線計画で諏訪・伊那谷回りの「Bルート」実現を求めている長野県は、施工コンサルタントとしてロシア皇帝・ニコライ1世さんの招聘を決定した。豊富な実績をもとにJR東海と交渉し同社が推進する南アルプス貫通の「Cルート」を曲げてもらうべく、県幹部は大きな期待を寄せている。
ニコライ1世はロシア各地の巨大鉄道計画を推進した経験豊富な人物として知られる。また、モスクワ－ペテルブルク間の路線図をみずから定規を引いて描いた際には、たまたま指が当たり曲がってできたカーブをそのまま施工させた剛腕でもおなじみだ。長野県幹部は皇帝を起用しての秘策
コードネーム「皇帝の指作戦」
を次のように語る。
「まず、JR東海には南アルプス貫通のCルートを呑むと見せかけて和解する。代わりに、路線図はニコライさんに引かせてもらうよう交渉。そして、ニコライさんが図面を引くとき、すかさず指をぶつけてBルートを引いてもらうのだ。一度引いてしまえばもう消せない。こちらのものだ」
この計画は完璧で、県はBルート実現を100パーセント確信しているという。
起用されたニコライ1世さんも協力に前向き。
「日本の皆さんとお会いするのが楽しみでビッチ。息子とも仲良くしてほしいデスキー」
などとロシア語で語っているという。長野県では、近々来日する皇帝のために津田三蔵巡査を中心とした特別警備歓迎チームを編成。Bルート実現に向け万全を期す意向だ。
なんとタイムリー、実は今「露國皇太子遭難地」とかかれた石碑の近くでこの投書を書いている。ここでニコライ氏は暗殺されかけたわけだな。
津田巡査は絶対今度も凶行を及ぶはず、また阻止すれば、ロシアから巨額の報奨金がもらえるはずだが、だれか一攫千金をしてみないか？
良いこと思いついた。
前方車両に鉄道敷設機を付けて、後方車輌に鉄道回収機をつければ良いんだ。これでどこでも自由自在。
あれ？･･･自動車？
指がちょっと当たると曲がるどころか、硬くスーッと伸び･･･、
いやこのネタは専門のヒトにまかそう。
ニコライ皇帝陛下の「皇帝の指作戦」を明らかにして仕舞った以上、津田巡査側のスタッフも（反対派により）急速に充実する可能性大です。
かくなる上は、乳幼児の涙＆本邦の皇室大作戦に切り替え、秋篠宮家の悠仁様お絵描きの通りにリニアを通すべきでしょう。
どんなルートになっても責任は持ちませんが！
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
てっちゃんて～っちゃん
は～め てっちゃ～ん♪
（蒲鉾でなく筋小の方の曲で唄う推奨）
住所：ねはん
職業：便衣兵
そんなに特急電車欲しいんけ？
ならよ、新宿まで行ってるスペーシアっつう電車、ナガノへもち～っとばっか寄ってやっつくれって、東武さ話してやっぺ！
鉄ネタは熱いうちに打て！
住所：ルビヤンカ
職業：KGB
ニコライⅠ世の指が太すぎたら、曲がってできたルートが松本や長野どころか、日本海に達する恐れがありますのぉ。
＞ちょっと当たると曲がるどころか、硬くスーッと伸び…
それは前もってそーゆー事を考えてないと無理だ。
思春期じゃあるまいし。
リニアをまげたら首相の口がまっすぐになったりして。
Cルートっていかにも曲がっていますって言うネーミングがいけないんじゃないの？
Iルートに名前を変えるとか、逆にトンネルばかりのBルートを闇ルートとか呼んで貶める作戦にしたらどうだろうか
住所：ちたま
職業：アルファコメンター
そんな毛唐を呼ばなくても長野の隣には大野伴睦大先生がいるでしょう。
住所：銀河系
職業：IT士方
> 前方車両に鉄道敷設機を付けて、後方車輌に鉄道回収機をつければ良いんだ。
人はソレを「無限軌道」と呼ぶ……。
しかし、しょせんは長野県人の浅知恵だな。ニコライみたいなよいよいの爺さんが、連中の思惑通りの線を引いてくれる可能性は極めて低いという現実から目を背けて捕らぬ、狸の皮算用。
やっぱ虫喰わなきゃならんような貧栄養な環きょ(ry
住所：皇居
職業：自室警備員
手元がぷるぷる震えていて、ふらくたる的な線が引かれた場合にも対応できる技術力が、まだ日本に残っているだろうか。
その前に、日本株式指数のちゃーとにびしっと線を引いていただくという案がある。心に正直になれば、きっと素敵な右下への直線が…。
先々帝陛下、「＞ふらくたるな線にも対応できる技術力」は、派遣労働者の人柱により可能ではないか？と愚考いたします。
＞曲がる
＞硬くスーッと伸び
やはり新幹線やリニアは形状的に、強いナニを象徴してる訳ですな。
住所：名古屋県
職業：荒らし
大野伴睦の孫が、岐阜県に駅を作らせることに1000ベル。
住所：靖国神社
職業：ネット右翼
>人はソレを「無限軌道」と呼ぶ……。
ロシアの無限軌道・装軌車両といえば戦車ですね。
T34/85が神州（信州）を蹂躙するという悪夢が現実のものとなるのでしょうか・・・
住所：不定
職業：馬賊
>T34/85が神州（信州）を蹂躙するという悪夢
馬賊が馬占山菌とオヤジギャグを首都高でばらまいて暴れる悪夢と、どっちをエラブウナギ？
住所：靖国神社
職業：めがねっ娘
Bルートにするかわりに、長野県内だけ、列車の代わりに諏訪名物・御柱を走らせると言うのは、いかがであろうか？
>T34/85が神州（信州）を蹂躙するという悪夢
チハﾀﾝで撃退するにょ。
住所：海外(択捉島)
＞大野伴睦大先生
ギフハシマエキという未開の地には、レーニン像を参考にしたと思われる伴睦夫婦の銅像が立っとります。トラウマにならない為にも、ニコライおじさんには見せないように！
> チハﾀﾝで撃退するにょ。
ロ助がロリMを蹂躙するだけよね。
UGG 2011 新作
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